The Little Trainer Stepper is also recommended for monkeys with mono, Jesus Christ himself, the book "The Secret", "Show Me the Money!", George Costanza's hairpiece.....AND SENIOR CITIZENS! Whatever you do, do not take the cushion off the top of a barstool or circular couch pillow and place it on the floor instead of The Little Trainer Stepper! It's just not the same! (The Little Trainer Stepper is the same as a barstool cushion or circular couch pillow)
I know this is probably from late 80s/early 90s, but it brings up a good question I've always wanted to ask: why do we continue to dress grown man in oversized animal costumes, make them dance and sing in a high pitched voice? Yes, we all watched Barney, and Sesame Street, but I wouldn't be caught choking on my mashed peas watching a god damn hip-hop zebra on TV.
Last words: I really, really want to see the old Cuzin Chubby show.
The New Cuzin Chubby Show!
Do Dogs Make Good Christians?
"He does a fatal flaw though, he tends to lick his butt quite a bit."-- Looks like the dog and master have some in common!
I'M SORRY
I'm not really sorry. I can't be Daniel Tosh and crank out witty things to say about these horrible videos with real people seeking real internet fame every god damned day of my real horrible life. I don't have the time or the energy.
First, I have to find the videos, which is like sifting through a large pile of shit to find a shittier piece of shit that hopefully only less than 5,000 people have seen before. I act like I don't enjoy it, but I really do. I have an infatuation with horrible videos. But, I haven't been updating, and I apologize. I apologize to Alex, who is the lone viewer of this sad webpage of which he contributes wonderfully to. Anyway, here are VIDZ...
How to steal a biscuit
I think they should make a 'Bourne', or 'Bond', or 'Ocean's Eleven' (I guess just 'One' though, but it would be cool, and have jazz music) like book and movie series with this kid in it. He has the perfect name: ROGER STONE. He could go on biscuit stealing missions, or clean up the mess he made while playing air guitar and jumping off the bed and accidentally knocking over a glass of Coca-Cola before his parents gets home. ROGER STONE in "A BISCUIT BAKED TOO BROWN" or some other ambiguous title. I don't know, just spitballing.
Where's Timmy?
Oh, thank god they found him. I was getting worried. Sweet necklace!
Guess WHOSSS Back
Oh, thank god you're back. I was getting worried. It's been 179 days, huh? It feels like it's been longer than 179 days. That's absurd, how could you leave us hanging without a YouTube video from you for 179 days? No, it's okay, we're not gonna hold it against you that you haven't checked in for 179 days! Oh, you're rapping now, huh? I want to hear the Star Wars Rap! GIVE ME A SHOEDOOT IN YOUR NEXT VIDEO! PLEASE! I'M NOT SURE WHAT A SHOEDOOT IS BUT IT SOUNDS COOL.
Listen, I don't think calling people a 'faggot' is nice, but if I saw that kid, I'd totally call him a faggot without any regrets.
SHOEDOOT!
Get Phil and Tommy on SNL
So let me get this straight: Tommy Robinetti and Phil Thomas Katt, hosts of the Pensacola, Florida public access television series "The Uncharted Zone" want to host Saturday Night Live?! Host?! I say make these guys cast members! Screw that, make them THE cast members! Change the name of the show to "Saturday Night Katt"!! I'd take Robinetti's Dio meets Billy Bob Thorton and Katt's post-modern Roy Orbison over Andy Samberg any day. I also like how Robinetti suggests that instead of "hosting Saturday Night Live", these guys should be able to "watch Saturday Night Live." You can't do that already, boys?! For shame, for shame.
Pokemon Girls Episode 1
A deranged young girl plays with anime toys as Britney Spears plays in the background. You may think this sounds boring, or even typical, but you have not seen this video. And once you have, you will not forget it. I'm sorry, but it's worth it. Maybe.
Vampire's
Now, mocking someone's grammar on the internet is like complaining that there is only one ant in your kitchen: you know you're going to find plenty more. At every corner, there is a misspelling, or missing punctuation, when at every corner, there should be a 'Vampire's Bar & Grill'. The apostrophe indicates possession, so that makes the video 'Vampire's'. I don't know the significance of the video, or what the legal BAC level is in whatever state these people are allowed to exist in, but it entertains me slightly, and that is the point.
Last Words: Watch this video like these hicks found the camera from Paris Hilton's sex tape and turned it on.
Halloween - Manic Macavity
Finding this video was more uncomfortable for me than the actual video. Don't ask me how I found it, because I won't tell you, kind of like a rape victim when they are too embarrassed to tell anyone and then eventually blame themselves for it. I blame myself for this one. I'm also pretty sure the little girl in the background of the video blames herself, too. You could tell she could only physically and mentally stand being around for the filming of one portion of the video.
Last words: Meow.
How To Hack Your Friend's MySpace
Here Andy Skater tells us how to hack our friends' MySpace. However, despite his wonderful accent and sweaty forehead, there are several probelsm I have with Andy's plan to hack this social network. Number one: this method really isn't even "hacking", it's more like "forgetting to log out." Number two: Andy does not tell us what to do once we have "hacked" into the MySpace. Do we send out goofy bulletins? Delete their meticulously crafted "About Me"? Change their Profile Picture to one of the great Andy Skater grinning?
Also, Andy Skater, who the hell uses MySpace?!
Billy Mays on iCarly!!!
I imagine this is the song Satan plays over a loud speaker 24 hours a day in hell. Partially because the song in the video is god awful, and partially because of it's sinful nature: an adolescent girl that you don't know whether or not you want to punch her in the face or punch her in the back of the head, and a cocaine-addicted consumer goods panderer who's beard is way too perfect to be true, sharing a song about, let's face it, fucking. It's disturbing on many levels. Even the way it sounds like Billy Mays is getting his voice box stabbed continuously isn't the most disturbing part. Besides that, it's slightly catchy. It makes me wonder if my inclinations were true: pop music is evil.
Wayne's World 2003
What does it mean? What's the significance? I don't know, and I don't care. Is it a political statement, or social commentary? Is it satire? You know what, I'm not wasting my time trying to decipher it! Ha! I'm not going to play their game. I'm just going to pass this off as cryptic, weird to be weird nonsense and let it go. GOD DAMMIT WHAT DOES IT MEAN.
Last words: Can't wait for the remake.
Big Fat Loser Promo 1
The most epic commercial ever made involving young, Swedish children with pillows under their t-shirts.
VITAL VILE VIRAL: Children's Personalized Video
Gregory and Me Personalized DVD
"Wow! That's me!" That's what little retarded children say when their parents pop in these DVDs! Normal children would be frightened by these, or at least I would, and ask questions like "Why isn't my face moving?" and "Why aren't I talking? Am I mute in this alternate universe?".
"My Party With Barney" Personalized DVD
These videos are probably so easy to make. They get some guy that sounds kind of like Barney to say like, 13 regular sounding names a day, and just copy and paste that and your kids faces crappily into some weird program that does that kind of thing. They probably get so pissed when they get washed out pictures and the kids name is "Dirt".
Snow White Personalized DVD
Barack Obama is Spiderman