How To Smoke Weed Out of a Bong

How to smoke weed out of a bong

My friend Tom sent me this. If you think the 90s are funny, you will think this video is hilarious! Alien patented bongs! Dave Matthews Band paintings! Fuzzy hats! SICK BONG RIPS!!! The ending of the video is stupid and incomprehensible, but so is the rest of it! Incredible stuff, incredible 90s stuff!

"Bowl... no weed. Bowl... WEEEED."

The New Cuzin Chubby Show!

The Little Trainer Stepper is also recommended for monkeys with mono, Jesus Christ himself, the book "The Secret", "Show Me the Money!", George Costanza's hairpiece.....AND SENIOR CITIZENS! Whatever you do, do not take the cushion off the top of a barstool or circular couch pillow and place it on the floor instead of The Little Trainer Stepper! It's just not the same! (The Little Trainer Stepper is the same as a barstool cushion or circular couch pillow)

I know this is probably from late 80s/early 90s, but it brings up a good question I've always wanted to ask: why do we continue to dress grown man in oversized animal costumes, make them dance and sing in a high pitched voice? Yes, we all watched Barney, and Sesame Street, but I wouldn't be caught choking on my mashed peas watching a god damn hip-hop zebra on TV.

Last words: I really, really want to see the old Cuzin Chubby show.

Do Dogs Make Good Christians?

"He does a fatal flaw though, he tends to lick his butt quite a bit."-- Looks like the dog and master have some in common!

IIWKC Phil Vassar interview

A strange little child named Christopher Neoussebaeume interviews the one and only Nashville legend, Phil Vassar, the writer of such hits as "Bobbi With An I" (an ode to transvestitism) and "I'll Take That As A Yes!" (an ode to maybe unintentional intercourse). The kid asks some pretty standard "Music Interview" questions, all of which Phil Vassar answers very honestly and courteously. Except for when the kid mentions some outdated technology we here at Vile Viral are very fond of. For some reason, Vassar can't get his head around little Mr. Nooosiebalm knowing what a cassette is.

I'M SORRY

I'm not really sorry. I can't be Daniel Tosh and crank out witty things to say about these horrible videos with real people seeking real internet fame every god damned day of my real horrible life. I don't have the time or the energy.

First, I have to find the videos, which is like sifting through a large pile of shit to find a shittier piece of shit that hopefully only less than 5,000 people have seen before. I act like I don't enjoy it, but I really do. I have an infatuation with horrible videos. But, I haven't been updating, and I apologize. I apologize to Alex, who is the lone viewer of this sad webpage of which he contributes wonderfully to. Anyway, here are VIDZ...

How to steal a biscuit


I think they should make a 'Bourne', or 'Bond', or 'Ocean's Eleven' (I guess just 'One' though, but it would be cool, and have jazz music) like book and movie series with this kid in it. He has the perfect name: ROGER STONE. He could go on biscuit stealing missions, or clean up the mess he made while playing air guitar and jumping off the bed and accidentally knocking over a glass of Coca-Cola before his parents gets home. ROGER STONE in "A BISCUIT BAKED TOO BROWN" or some other ambiguous title. I don't know, just spitballing.


Where's Timmy?


Oh, thank god they found him. I was getting worried. Sweet necklace!


Guess WHOSSS Back



Oh, thank god you're back. I was getting worried. It's been 179 days, huh? It feels like it's been longer than 179 days. That's absurd, how could you leave us hanging without a YouTube video from you for 179 days? No, it's okay, we're not gonna hold it against you that you haven't checked in for 179 days! Oh, you're rapping now, huh? I want to hear the Star Wars Rap! GIVE ME A SHOEDOOT IN YOUR NEXT VIDEO! PLEASE! I'M NOT SURE WHAT A SHOEDOOT IS BUT IT SOUNDS COOL.

Listen, I don't think calling people a 'faggot' is nice, but if I saw that kid, I'd totally call him a faggot without any regrets.

SHOEDOOT!

New Hairstyle

The teenage ghost of Fred Gwinne (you know, Herman Munster and the old man from Pet Sematary) complains about his haircut. We get it, kid. You look weird. End of story.

TheRaker55's Jerry Seinfeld Impression

About two years ago, I had found a young YouTuber called Robert, who made videos entitled "Robert's Room." These videos consisted of this young man, Robert, ranting and raving about various things. These videos hadn't received many views, and their crude production and out-right sillyness made them seem like hidden treasures amongst the vast wasteland that is YouTube. Then... Robert closed his account. It was a depressing time, and in these two years since, I, as well as Andrew (who operates the site as well) have looked for someone with the wit, amateurish style, and plain oddity that Robert possessed. I think we found our man.


Also: note the great New Age music in the background.

Get Phil and Tommy on SNL

So let me get this straight: Tommy Robinetti and Phil Thomas Katt, hosts of the Pensacola, Florida public access television series "The Uncharted Zone" want to host Saturday Night Live?! Host?! I say make these guys cast members! Screw that, make them THE cast members! Change the name of the show to "Saturday Night Katt"!! I'd take Robinetti's Dio meets Billy Bob Thorton and Katt's post-modern Roy Orbison over Andy Samberg any day. I also like how Robinetti suggests that instead of "hosting Saturday Night Live", these guys should be able to "watch Saturday Night Live." You can't do that already, boys?! For shame, for shame.

I'm the King of Cheese! - Swiss Cheese Crisps

Thank you to Joe Liloia for submitting this video! Let the spanking commence!



Mmm! Look at these scrumptious looking treats! They don't look like dandruff flakes that got hit with Wayne Szalinski's reverse shrink ray! Not at all! I'd eat these never! And what makes this guy the King of cheese? Was he born into it? Did he just recently become the CEO of a major cheese corporation? Or is he just an effeminate ding dong who spends his time making light cheese snacks on (important) waxed paper plates? Probably the CEO one!

Last words: Really? "King" of cheese? Come on! This was a perfect opportunity to show the world that you like dudes! What, was YouTube not ready for that kind of thing?

Smoking In The Shed Part 18 (S4) - Wizzi and Bullet

I try to not to make the microscopic amount of viewers we have sit through more than like, 4 minutes of video at a time, so don't watch this video. It's really not much. It's just three teenagers from probably smack dab in the middle of the UK awkwardly smoking "fags" in a "shed" (but it looks like a basement. I hate those differences in phrasing from American English and….this…English. It's like, okay, you can call a basement a 'shed' but then what's a basement? "A basement is a second kitchen, mate".) The main guy seems to get a lot of backlash from viewers because most of his videos are just of him "smoking in the shed". You know the drill: get the some friends, get a life, this is gay, you're retarded, etc. In the video, he brings along two of his "mates" and they spend the majority of the video asking each other questions you'd ask upon meeting somebody for the first time.

Last words: Pussyclot.

harpo speaks complete

Finally, what we've all been waiting for: Harpo Marx speaks! The Silent one finally graces us with his voice, and what does he say? How he's not supposed to speak, and asking us why we are there. I didn't know he had a British-Italian accent, either. It's a good thing he never talked, or I'm sure he would've never made it in showbiz. Gummo should've taken his place!

Last words: LONG LIVE GUMMO.

Pokemon Girls Episode 1

A deranged young girl plays with anime toys as Britney Spears plays in the background. You may think this sounds boring, or even typical, but you have not seen this video. And once you have, you will not forget it. I'm sorry, but it's worth it. Maybe.

Uncle Majic Commercial

For real, magic gets ALL the ladies up on my shit. Sometimes, I get a ring for they finger, and it turns out it ain't real and it just shoots water at they faces. You know that trick where the wand becomes a bouquet of flowers? That trick is straight garbage! I make a bouquet of flowers turn into a gigantic mountain of cocaine for these bitches to package into bricks for movement. These parties isn't the only thing I got going! Ha, nah. Nah I make money appear out of mother fuckin thin air.

Last Words: I've been to one of his parties. It was for Darnell Williams' 4-year old daughter's birthday party. Is a daytime soap actor really a celebrity? I don't even know who he is.

Gordon Douglas is Funny

Gordon Douglas is a stand-up comedian and pastor who believes that comedy and religion can peacefully exist alongside one another. After seeing this promo, I can TESTIFY that Gordon's theory of comedic religion (or is it religious comedy?) is certainly true! I mean.... the whole video goes on about how Gordon Douglas is "...more than funny", but never explains what more than funny means. Is Relgiouscomedio more than funny? Just that idea within itself? Whatever... Gordon, you go guy!

Vampire's

Now, mocking someone's grammar on the internet is like complaining that there is only one ant in your kitchen: you know you're going to find plenty more. At every corner, there is a misspelling, or missing punctuation, when at every corner, there should be a 'Vampire's Bar & Grill'. The apostrophe indicates possession, so that makes the video 'Vampire's'. I don't know the significance of the video, or what the legal BAC level is in whatever state these people are allowed to exist in, but it entertains me slightly, and that is the point.

Last Words: Watch this video like these hicks found the camera from Paris Hilton's sex tape and turned it on.

Burp

Yes, he burped. And yes, that was disgusting.

Halloween - Manic Macavity

Finding this video was more uncomfortable for me than the actual video. Don't ask me how I found it, because I won't tell you, kind of like a rape victim when they are too embarrassed to tell anyone and then eventually blame themselves for it. I blame myself for this one. I'm also pretty sure the little girl in the background of the video blames herself, too. You could tell she could only physically and mentally stand being around for the filming of one portion of the video.

Last words: Meow.

How To Hack Your Friend's MySpace

Here Andy Skater tells us how to hack our friends' MySpace. However, despite his wonderful accent and sweaty forehead, there are several probelsm I have with Andy's plan to hack this social network. Number one: this method really isn't even "hacking", it's more like "forgetting to log out." Number two: Andy does not tell us what to do once we have "hacked" into the MySpace. Do we send out goofy bulletins? Delete their meticulously crafted "About Me"? Change their Profile Picture to one of the great Andy Skater grinning?

Also, Andy Skater, who the hell uses MySpace?!

Billy Mays on iCarly!!!

I imagine this is the song Satan plays over a loud speaker 24 hours a day in hell. Partially because the song in the video is god awful, and partially because of it's sinful nature: an adolescent girl that you don't know whether or not you want to punch her in the face or punch her in the back of the head, and a cocaine-addicted consumer goods panderer who's beard is way too perfect to be true, sharing a song about, let's face it, fucking. It's disturbing on many levels. Even the way it sounds like Billy Mays is getting his voice box stabbed continuously isn't the most disturbing part. Besides that, it's slightly catchy. It makes me wonder if my inclinations were true: pop music is evil.

Wayne's World 2003

What does it mean? What's the significance? I don't know, and I don't care. Is it a political statement, or social commentary? Is it satire? You know what, I'm not wasting my time trying to decipher it! Ha! I'm not going to play their game. I'm just going to pass this off as cryptic, weird to be weird nonsense and let it go. GOD DAMMIT WHAT DOES IT MEAN.

Last words: Can't wait for the remake.

Hillsdale Public Library Jingles

Little kids singing a cappella about the joys of a public library? I think I'll take a listen. Forget Justin Bieber, these kids are the future of music. One edited popping verse at a time.



...and they got VileViral™ favorite Dan Barcan singing a song too?! These Hillsdale Public Library people are geniuses, I say. Geniuses.

Big Fat Loser Promo 1

The most epic commercial ever made involving young, Swedish children with pillows under their t-shirts.

Stigs covers "Last Caress" by the Misfits

When I hear Glenn Danzig and the Misfits sing this song, I hear a fun and campy horror punk ode to 1950's pop. However, when "Stigs" sings this song, like the demented Tom Jones he is, I do not hear fun and camp. I hear malicious intent and primal fear. I am legitimately frightened. But... I can't turn it off.

Experience Particle Darshan

..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Last words: ....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Extreme Playground Workout!

Thank you to Samantha Scannell for submitting this vile video! Don't worry, your pleasurable spanking is in the mail!



I wish I had someone like this when I was a kid, coaching me into confidence by using uplifting words and exercise. I wish I had someone telling me how important it is to wear sunscreen at the beach. This is exactly what the kids need now. The one's that get so fat they can't fit through doors because they think their parents don't love them. This guy will help guide them into knowing that their parents don't love them, and just accepting it and moving on.

Last words: If falling into playground woodchips is EXTREME, then I'm EVEL KNIEVEL.

Domestic Abuse PSA- Restaurant

Domestic abuse isn't funny. But PUBLIC abuse is! The bitch spilled the guys coffee! You think he was going to take that sitting down? God, she probably forgot the bottle of ketchup he asked for 20 minutes ago, too. Sure, he might've overreacted slightly, but how many times have you wanted to do this to your waitress? This man is a hero. A revolutionary. Was there a message here I'm missing?

Last words: At least he restrained himself enough to not break the coffee pot over her head.

Dan Barcan- "A Movie Proposal To Eddie and Charlie Murphy"

Dan Barcan is a comedic and musical genius who hails from Hillsdale, New Jersey. He films his movies using iMovie, usually talking place in a public library or an Apple store. As of today, his YouTube account has about 260 videos, which stem from tributes to Paul McCartney, Prince, Sly Stone and countless others, impersonations of everyone from President John Adams to Scarface, and even social commentary, with Mr. Barcan offering some important information on the mysterious illness with plagued many bats in the Northeastern United States. He calls his brand of humor "Stream of Conscious Comedy" which has resulted in many moments of absurdist genius. Since Dan Barcan has so many videos available, and in so many different styles, it was impossible for me to pick just one, but I believe this recent proposal to the Murphy brothers, Chris Rock, and Judge Reinhold to star in a new movie alongside Dan, as well as a musical tribute to the Mets' Ike Davis make this video a great introduction to Dan Barcan's talents. You can listen to his music and read some socio-political commentary on his MySpace, which you can get to here. I recommend listening to his song "Promises."

VITAL VILE VIRAL: Children's Personalized Video

Gregory and Me Personalized DVD


"Wow! That's me!" That's what little retarded children say when their parents pop in these DVDs! Normal children would be frightened by these, or at least I would, and ask questions like "Why isn't my face moving?" and "Why aren't I talking? Am I mute in this alternate universe?".

"My Party With Barney" Personalized DVD


These videos are probably so easy to make. They get some guy that sounds kind of like Barney to say like, 13 regular sounding names a day, and just copy and paste that and your kids faces crappily into some weird program that does that kind of thing. They probably get so pissed when they get washed out pictures and the kids name is "Dirt".

Snow White Personalized DVD


Barack Obama is Spiderman

The Family Album- "Diamond Dave is back with the Van Halen boys!"

Van Halen has had three lead singers. The first (and best), David Lee Roth, the second (and lame) Sammy Hagar, and the third (and completely forgettable) Gary Cherone. The lead singer of "The Family Album", who refers to himself as "Diamond Dave" (in reference to Roth) never sang for Van Halen. However, if the band ever needed a new frontman, they need to look no further than The Family Album's singer... he's got the wit, the voice, and the magic to get a whole stadium rocking!

Redox.-.Biznesman.VHS-Rip.by.WDA

I wasn't sure what language this video was in until the lead singer utters something closely resembling English before he is engulfed by bricks: "I am businessman from Poland!" Really? Who's video editor from Poland? OH WAIT. I get it! A 'business man' is a male escort! Now the lyrics make perfect sense! I think...

Last words: This was made in 2005.

No, but probably.

Republican Dad: "5 Year-Old Twins Sing Michael Jackson"

I was under the impression that karaoke involved the singing a song over a backing track. Apparently, I was wrong. According to Republican Dad, karaoke is where you look at the monitor rolling the lyrics and then proceed to read them in a jittery yet monotone manner, shaking and slightly jumping but never leaving the ground. Republican Dad also believes that in music videos the camera angle should turn but the performer should not. I'll take his word for it.

Let's Paint Francine Dancer & Dogfood!

"Lets Paint TV" is a California-based Public Access show where John Kilduff showcases himself painting and doing other everyday things at the same time. Obviously, he understands the strangeness and silliness of the show, but his enthusiasm for being on live television and hopelessly accepting prank phone calls brings the show back to the cruel, real world. Live Public Access television has to be one of my favorite mediums because the production values haven't changed since it started and they'll let anyone with free time broadcast themselves. With the self-proclaimed "Queen of Public Acess" Francine Dancer, and a local 2-piece band appropriately named Dogfood, here is an episode of Let's Paint TV!

Last words: I'm kind of curious as to what the punchlines to "Is Raymond there?" and "Are they still together?" were.

ginger's rap (looking at you)

*ATTENTION* 'RAP' LABEL EXECUTIVES: ARE YOU LOOKING FOR THE NEXT RAPPING SUPERSTAR? DO NOT LOOK FURTHER. HE IS AN *APPEALING* COMBINATION OF THE CUTE, TALENTED JUSTIN BIEBER (FOR THE KIDS, YOUNG GIRLS WHO BUY RINGTONES) AND THE LYRICAL GENIUS EMINEM (SUBURBAN BLACK KIDS, ASSHOLES).

This shit is FIRE. RED HOT. Rich, Bald(?), Asian Kid Who Wears Ed Hardy has been fucking with my man for TOO LONG. This is the HOTTEST diss track of the year, no QUESTION. His flow is UNCANNY. UNTOUCHABLE. Let's rewind that shit: "I bet you already know.........................what I do at home (WHAT?! He didn't.) Only the realest in the game wear ONE IN-EAR HEADPHONE to keep the beat, baby. Or else, it would just sound like you were reading from a COMPUTER SCREEN! Nah. NAH. Go SHOVE IT and fuck your OLD HAGS. I'm OUT.

Jakey Angel: BRAINFREAK

I appreciate parody. When it's done well, it can be hilarious and memorable. But when it's not done well, it's also hilarious and memorable. That's why I appreciate "Jakey Angel: BRAINFREAK", a strange parody of Criss Angel's magical television show "Mindfreak" (clever) in which a boy who definitely hangs out at the mall too much bounces around his town and pounds the same exact joke into your skull until it's 'magic' you're not having an aneurysm.

Daniel Songer "Comedy Act Part 31"

When I think of legendary stand-up comedians, I usually question why I have the time to compile useless lists in my head, and then immediately stop thinking of that and go about my day. If I ever did have the time to do that, I'd create two sloppily-drawn columns in my head, one labeled "Funny" and then other labeled "Tolerable". Daniel Songer would be under neither of those columns. In fact, in my head, he lives in a world where columns and lists, and comedy, do not exist. I've been to the future of this world, and scientists haven't even started to try to discover 'comedy', and Daniel Songer continues to do stand-up exclusively on his back porch.